Lets skip the introduction and get into the main point. I'm not good with
introduction though. I've been realizing this a very long time, since I'm a
goodie-good innocent little girl for precise ,that I never belong to any group,
society either in my family.I'm an individualist. I'm always solo.
Well the term 'outcast' is what you can use to refer me. When we realize
that we are not needed and a burden it is nothing to be proud of. I've tried my hard
to be belong in, to be 'like' everyone want me to be. Eventually, I hurt myself
more and I'm acting pathetic to myself. I cursed myself. I used to be the one
who have a strong beliefs with the "friendship-never-end". But the fact that people
is fickle and I've seen the "Bff 's" term died with my both eyes ,open my eyes
that I'm destined to walk solo. Now I'm the one who strongly believes that
I never meant for anyone and vice versa. Since I've learn the fact I never
declare anyone Bff's or what so on. Anyway, I still treat people nice if it is necessary.
Oh yeah, I can confirm to you that it hurts to learn that you are meant for yourself.
Destined to be outcast. I've done everything to be wanted but none of them were lasting.
I get good grades in hope that people would recognized me, I clown myself to make
other people happy but none of my good intentions or my effort were being appreciate.
I used to be good to other people, sacrificing myself and my feelings , accepted all
the insults and mocked without any questions. and yes all was useless.
I'm still here,I began to isolated myself and learn to life by myself.
Finding yourself the place to settle in, to be accepted,hurts more as you
learn in the hard way that you still not be recognized and there still no one for you. Its always
hard facing the truth and yeah its is hurt when you got no one to rely on. I would loved to
have one but I don't permit myself to have one or believing in such things due that
I know having someone important build hopes and I hate hoping . Hoping hurts when
you got to much of them and when you realize that none of them are real and nothing
but broken dreams . Knowing that no place fits me and I'm always on my own have make
me what I am. A pessimist.
Soon, I've learned to life my life being outcast. Well now that I'm used to it I don't feel
hurt or what so on. I'm immune. Outcast,isolated,solitude,lonesome, affliction have been
a part of my life. They are my environment. I grew with them. They teach me. They are my best
buddies. Always there. They keep me safe. I belong to myself. I'm a group of me. It starts from
brick by bricks and now I've build walls around me and it is only me in it.
Now I care less about people, I've develop myself to a very selfish person. As I used to say
at the end the day all you have is nothing but yourself. Now, nothing can stop me from outdo myself.
Screw society. I'll make my own mini me.
I get even and more day by days.Evolving and learn in the hard way is always the best teachers
xoxo
